My room smells like vodka and shame
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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