Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
