this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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