Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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