I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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