I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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