She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
