Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
