i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
