Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
