So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
