She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
