His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
