How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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