Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the day after is always just damage control
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize