my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
