mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize