That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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