We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
