Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just high enough for therapy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
