I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
