I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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