I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
