He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
