when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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