your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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