just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
