WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
