you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
