Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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