I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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