He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
