I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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