She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
