I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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