if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize