So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize