feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
