I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
