are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
