He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
