It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
