I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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