I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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