cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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