got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
