I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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