My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bring money and cleavage
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
