Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
