Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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