Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
