I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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