please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
