i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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