Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
