I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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