She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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