his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
