i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I party with great urgency now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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