I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we're making bets on your personal life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
