dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
