Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
