i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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