So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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