I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
