We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
