So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
