The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
