the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
