Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
