how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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