I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
