forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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