Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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