but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize