I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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