Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
