afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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