dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
